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Panicking at Delegates meeting, calls police
Parsky Watch #62


June 30, 2004

PARTY GONE OUT OF BOUNDS

As your source for political tidbits you’d normally only pick up at a hotel bar during a state party convention, we wanted to be sure you were informed about events at Gerry Parsky’s convocation last month of his hand-picked delegation to the Republican National Convention.

Poor Gerry. No matter how much effort he and his minions pour into minutely orchestrating and choreographing such events to ensure they come-off as Parsky love-fests, something always seems to go wrong.

Naturally, Parsky initiated the meeting with a de rigeur, cultish incantation of how his reforms saved the CRP from oblivion, and because of Gerry Parsky’s reforms it is in immensely better positioned to help the Bush/Cheney campaign – which, incidentally, Gerry Parsky heads up in California because the President grasps that no-one is more qualified to do that job than Gerry Parsky. This was followed by the Pledge of Allegiance.

However, Gerry’s incantation rings hollow since the Bush/Cheney California campaign has no money or headquarters – nor is it likely to have any. Tis also passing strange that the world’s most popular politician, Gov. Schwarzenegger, was not invited to attend. Neither were his advisors. Come to think of it, Parsky didn’t even pick Arnold to be a delegate.

But we digress.

Later, as delegates began filing into the lunch area, three well groomed young 'volunteers' (who had been helping pass out literature for Parsky) handed them special informational packages labeled with a Bush/Cheney sticker. Each package contained the premier issue of Parsky Watch magazine (yes, there is such a thing), featuring highlights from various PW in addition to classic articles on Parsky from Vanity Fair, Human Events and the Wall Street Journal; the Parsky IQ Test; and our patented Parsky buster button.

When Parsky maitre’d Dora Kingsley finally grasped what was transpiring, she leapt into action with uncharacteristic speed, dispatching her henchpeople to confiscate the packages from curious delegates while she confronted the infiltrators.

Dora summoned hotel security. However, once they discovered the three gentlemen – who, unsurprisingly, turned out to be members of Young Americans for freedom -- were registered guests at the hotel, the security detail exited themselves from the fracas faster than UN peacekeepers from a firefight.

While Dora gave the impudent YAFers the third degree, several delegates attempted to hide the offending packages before Kingsley’s henchpeople could seize them – hurriedly stuffing them into purses, under shirts, etc.

Later, quite by coincidence, another YAFer found himself alone on the elevator with none other than Gerry Parsky himself, loudly complaining on his cell phone about the magazine dedicated to his honor.

Meanwhile accusations flew from Kingsley et al about who was responsible for this…interruption. Kingsley unsuccessfully tried to browbeat hotel management into coughing up a list of registered guests, so she could ascertain precisely who was behind this daring operation. Management naturally refused, pointing out that what Dora demanded violated the law.

What next for Parsky? Who knows what surprises lurk in the future?